the Society to End the Abuse of Alex Avila


illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

Friends, citizens, fellow felines, I must bring this to your attention. Are you tired of seeing a foul tip by the opposing team result in a scene like the above?

Are you tired of seeing Alex Avila grimace in manly pain as his mask gets knocked off, or he gets a bat to the helmet, or yet another foul ball goes screaming off his instep? Does it sadden you to see this noble catcher, a true national treasure, threatened by carelessness, incompetence– even sometimes malice? Does your heart cry out in sympathy, as indeed it must for all intelligent, caring, red-blooded baseball fans?

Did you know that the All Star catcher is an endangered species? It’s a fact.

Don’t let this majestic creature disappear in a flurry of bruises and semi-concussions. Take notice. Take action. Raise awareness. Join the Society to End the Abuse of Alex Avila today.

(SEAAA, pronounced see-AAAAAHHH, like the body of water followed by a hearty beardy-man scream)

Two more things:

July 27th was Max Scherzer’s birthday. He turned 27 years old. July 27th was also Dave Dombrowski’s birthday! He turned 55 years old. Unfortunately the Tigers could not get a win for Max and Mr. D on their special day (extra-unfortunately since Max pitched relatively well, and was stuck with the loss). To make up for this oversight in some small way, I’ve given them a bouncy castle.

Everyone likes a bouncy castle.

And here is what I think about every time I have to watch John Danks pitch:

The Dank Danks in its reeking Chicago-pinstriped cave. A most horrible lurking creature indeed.

ETA: Oh, I nearly forgot. ROAR OF THE TIGERS WILL BE AT COMERICA FOR THE SATURDAY AND SUNDAY GAMES. This weekend! Weather permitting! On Saturday I will be wearing a 2009 Brandon Inge All Star Game jersey (haters gonna hate, etc). On Sunday I will be wearing this shirt. If you see me, feel free to say hi. Or stare awkwardly. You know, whatever.

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13 responses to “the Society to End the Abuse of Alex Avila

  1. ivantopumpyouup

    I love the bouncy castle. I want one!

    I almost got a ticket for the Sunday game but talked myself out of it because it wasn’t going to be the Haren/Verlander matchup I wanted. Ah well.

    I’m going for ZUBAZPALOOZA YYYYEAH.

  2. The SPCA(A) should do something about this. Perhaps you could work with them, as a sort of joint venture?

  3. Sam, if I’m at the game on Saturday I’ll look for you. And if u want to take pictures of my baseball car, I can arrange that too!

  4. Love the shirts! :D

  5. Oh my. That bouncy castle birthday cartoon is an instant classic.

  6. I am running out of ways to say how awesome your posts and pictures are.

  7. freakin’ awesome shirt where did you get it? I feel that even though Jackson hit in the only run for the tigers ( homer!) I still tag him for that loss because he struck out 3 freakin’ times before the 3rd inning and for who ever was up with the bases loaded or with 2 men on. :( on the other hand the suite was awesome except i was almost covered by wrong sox fans, who by the way are really anoying this guy shouted the only thing worse than a Cubs fan is a Det. fan. I was gonna say only real men are Tigers fans but the gates opened.

  8. Sorry 5th inning not 3rd my bad.

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