the Worst Thing

Reports indicate that the Tigers/Yankees/Dbacks trade is a go.
eta: Report from The Mothership as of 3 pm Tuesday.

So the Tigers would get:
–Max Scherzer (Dbacks)
–Daniel Schlereth (Dbacks)
–Phil Coke (Yanks)
–Austin Jackson (Yanks)
–maybe Mike Dunn? (Yanks)

The Tigers would give up:
–Edwin Jackson (Dbacks)
–Curtis Granderson (Yanks)
–faith in the inherent goodness of the world

THIS IS THE WORST THING

Trading Granderson was always going to be awful, heart-rending, soul-destroying, etc, but sending him to the Yankees is like… it is like taking the most beautiful thing you can imagine– say a kitten with enormous eyes and soft fur, sitting on a bed of fresh flowers under a rainbow while butterflies soar above it and Mozart plays in the background– and setting it on fire, then dumping it into an open sewer, then setting the sewer on fire, then putting that fire out with nuclear waste, then having sex with a bunch of half-decayed donkey corpses, and throwing those onto the nuclear waste sewer, and setting fire to the whole thing again. That is what Curtis Granderson on the Yankees is like.

As for Edwin Jackson… oh my gosh who will be Justin Verlander’s dugout buddy now??

My problem with the Jackson-for-Scherzer swap is that it doesn’t really help the starting rotation, it just shuffles the problem over. The issue was never that Jackson didn’t help the rotation– because he did– it was that there simply weren’t enough Real Live Actual Starters on the team. So, fine, we pick up Scherzer, great, a new starter… but giving up Jackson at the same time and failing to get a second starter anywhere else in this trade (Schlereth is a reliever) means that the Tigers are right back to where they were before. Before, the rotation was Verlander, Porcello, Jackson, and scraps. Now the rotation is Verlander, Porcello, I guess Scherzer, and scraps. THAT DOESN’T HELP.

But I guess the payroll is reduced, GREAT, I HOPE YOU FEEL REAL GOOD ABOUT THAT, FRONT OFFICE. I HOPE REDUCING PAYROLL WAS WORTH MAKING FANS CRY.

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23 responses to “the Worst Thing

  1. I’m sitting here at my desk at work and it’s taking everything I have not to sob uncontrollably.

  2. The idea of MR Granderson in prison stripes is REVOLTING

  3. You forgot to add our anguished faces behind Paws! Say it ain’t so!

  4. i am adding more illustrated anguish as we speak. it is the only thing i know to do right now.

  5. This SUCKS!

  6. Curtis Granderson is a Yankee… life has no meaning. I feel like I should be wearing black, fasting, shaving off all my hair, something.

  7. ivantopumpyouup

    As ever, I adore your drawings.

  8. I’m so depressed I don’t know what to do with myself. Grandy a Yankee? This can’t be happening. This is the absolute worst I’ve ever felt about a Tigers trade. *weeps*

  9. I kinda agree that the E-Jax/Scherzer part of the deal is lateral but only for 2010 and maybe not even then. Technically Scherzer was a little better than E-Jax in 09 … Max’s fip was 3.87 in 09 and Bill James projects it to be 3.58 in 2010 and while E-Jax was 4.28 and projected 4.72 in 2010. I know that FIP and the like isnt the law but I really think the Tigers made out quite well in that aspect also considering Max isnt an FA until 2015. I dunno about A-Jax … hopefully he turns into denard span … not at all worth Granderson but he does come with a good defensive reputation … anyways more importantly the JV/Jackson drawing above is hilarious.

  10. “it is like taking the most beautiful thing you can imagine– say a kitten with enormous eyes and soft fur, sitting on a bed of fresh flowers under a rainbow while butterflies soar above it and Mozart plays in the background– and setting it on fire, then dumping it into an open sewer, then setting the sewer on fire, then putting that fire out with nuclear waste, then having sex with a bunch of half-decayed donkey corpses, and throwing those onto the nuclear waste sewer, and setting fire to the whole thing again.”

    Best.Simile.EVAR! And perfectly on point.

    I think the Tigers are trying to murder me via broken heart.

  11. Look on the bright side…Scherzer has heterochromia. One blue eye and one eye that’s brown. “Mad Max” illustrations.

    Deep breaths, Sam. We can all make this work…

  12. This is sad, very sad… it’s not “official” yet so maybe George Steinbrener can scuttle this like the Higginson for Bernie Williams trade so many moons ago.

    Ah… Granderson is my Tiger! This is wicked evil… the Yankees are the worst… I’m so frustrated with this even if it logically makes sense for the Tigers for some reasons.

  13. I’ve been beside myself with anger since this afternoon. Thanks for making me LOL with your analogy.

  14. re: Scherzer’s eyes, I was thinking of calling him Cable. Too geeky? Regardless it’ll make him easier to cartoon, I guess that’s a positive.

    I just can’t get over Curtis. I just… can’t. I try to confront it and my mind rejects the entire concept.

  15. Very, very sad, and a result of some genuinely boneheaded contracts that forced the Tigers to essentially punt 2010 in orde4r to save money. Curtis will be missed, both for his exceptional defense in center field and his left handed power(in addition to the qualities that made him Man of the Year). Scherzer looks like a much less durable version of Jackson, and he is only 1 year younger. Coke and Schlereth are nothing to write home about.

    Just a very bleak day.

  16. I cannot get over it. Why should we suffer because Dombrowski threw a bunch of money at Dontrelle Willis? This is a nightmare. But thank you Samara for the smile-inducing writing and pictures, as always.

  17. Yup sure u bet ya! What could not happen has again! Why can’t the Tiger’s be a team instead of looking for one or two players to bring them instant gratification. Come’on Dave, build a team of Tiger’s! Grandy is gone from us and OMG to the Yankees, UGH!

  18. “Carlos Guillen next?”

    I sure hope so. He’s been an integral part of the team for years, but now he’s just an albatross (with bad knees).

  19. Keep posting to the end, Sam, you’re a real inspiration, and I plan to do the same… This was one of your greatest pieces ever. When MVN sadly shuts down for good, I hope I can find your work again in another blogosphere. Until then, farewell and best wishes, and thanks for all your inspired work! — Tom at Eagles Eye

  20. Yes yes, settle down, everything will be at the new RotT. I’ll post about it properly in a few days.

    As for the Guillen rumors, I do have to wonder who would trade for him… not questioning the fact that there are dumb teams out there, but you gotta believe there’s a limit to it…

  21. So does anyone remember when Cecil Fielder was traded to the Stankees in ‘96 for Reuben Sierra, a scrub and spare change? I think that is the last time I’ve felt so bad about a trade.

  22. When I told my mom about the trade, I thought she was going to hunt down someone from the Tigers organization and punch him in the face, she was so furious.

    And this is a nice, non-violent grandmother in her 60s – but also a baseball fan of long duration who likes not having douchey players on teams she cheers for.

    She is threatening to write a letter (on actual paper through the real mail) – she knows it won’t make any difference, but getting the bile down in writing will make her feel better.

    So depressing.

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